I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
