6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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