I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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