let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you win again, gameday.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
