I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
