No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize