Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
