standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
