i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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