Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
