We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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