Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
