U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
