11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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