paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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