she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
false alarm. still invincible.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
