before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
