i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
