Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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