4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
