i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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