I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
