i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
