I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize