I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
