I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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