So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
