Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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