This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
