Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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