I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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