I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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