So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
