New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
