My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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