I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
