all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize