made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
