I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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