I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
