Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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