I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
