I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
