First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
