sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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