Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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