Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
