I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize