That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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