please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
