Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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