He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
