okay pat passed out under dana's car
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
