im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
