Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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