3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
