I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
