She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
