dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
