I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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