Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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