For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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