Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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