So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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