I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
