I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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