Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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