C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my phone needs a breathalizer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
