I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
