um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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