Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
