It's Friday. Sex?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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