i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
