My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i believe in u and ur pee
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