Swine flu. Run for my life!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Say something about gay babies.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
