is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize