im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
