i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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