I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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