If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize