Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
