Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
