I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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