You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
