dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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