yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
