Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
