Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
