i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
did i just pee glitter
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
