cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
