I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
