You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dear god my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize