I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
