My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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