It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
