just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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