In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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