forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Houston, we have a squirter
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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