I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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