Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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