would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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