You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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